


It Was Always You

by MusicLover6661



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, and also bearded Cap, there's some fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-30
Updated: 2018-04-30
Packaged: 2019-04-30 01:33:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14485905
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MusicLover6661/pseuds/MusicLover6661
Summary: He was the only man I ever wanted.  But he never wanted me, never saw me as anything more than a friend and it killed me.  Being pushed aside so he could do whatever he pleased, to be whoever he wanted to be.





	1. Chapter 1

He was the only man I ever wanted. But he never wanted me, never saw me as anything more than a friend and it killed me. Being pushed aside so he could do whatever he pleased, to be whoever he wanted to be. Wanda knew how I felt for him, promising never to utter a single word about it to him or anyone that would spill the secrets. She would smile sadly at me whenever he entered a room, clearing the trace of it off her lips the moment he would glance over. He didn’t need to know any more than what I had almost admitted one night. It was one of Tony’s infamous parties, and I had too much to drink, nearly spilled my drink on him. He helped me to my room, saying that I had too much to drink already. God I could never get the feeling of his arms wrapped around my waist. I gripped onto his suit jacket, hoping for a moment he would come into my room and stay for the night. I was woken up by Tony in the morning, he had seen how I acted the night before and was worried about me. He never did find out what happened though, how I had to be carried to my room.

 

It wasn’t until Sam came back that I broke, he set him up on a date. Said the girl was very friendly and was interested in him. He came back from the date smiling from ear to ear. Said he couldn’t wait to see her again. My hands trembled as I watched him walk inside with her three weeks later. She was stunning of course, her hair was laying in loose waves down her back, her eyes shining bright. She was exactly what he wanted in a woman. She was everything I wasn’t. So I did something that could’ve gotten me killed. I took the quinjet and set off to Wakanda. Of course I warned T'Challa that I was coming alone, he would’ve been very shocked to see someone coming to his home without advance notice. But I needed someone to talk to, someone that could help me understand what to do. 

“Promise you won’t tell them I’m here?” I turned to face T'Challa, fear written all over my features.

“I can promise they will not know you are here unless you are the one to tell them” T'Challa kissed the back of my hand gently and left. I was beyond grateful for his help.

 

The walk down was short, the breeze felt cool and warm at the same time. The sun had begun to set behind me as I reached the top of the hill. He was sitting outside staring at the trees, as if they had any kind of answers for him. He only turned when I was close, close enough where I could reach out and feel the softness of the shirt he wore.

 

“They said you were coming” Bucky smiled softly, his eyes were gentle. It was a drastic change to the man he had once been. 

“I just needed to get away from everything, and to check up on you” Bucky blushed slightly at my words, I couldn’t help but smile.

“It’s helped a lot, I feel like myself again” Bucky walked closer to me, I could feel the heat radiating off his body.

“Shuri said she spent weeks trying to help you, so I’m glad to see her efforts were worth it” I wanted nothing more than to hug him, to tell him everything that had happened.

“So, why are you really here?” Bucky raised a brow knowingly, he had always been able to see right through me.

 

I opened my mouth to tell him, to spill all of the secrets I had kept locked away for so long. I was cut off by a voice yelling. T'Challa was walking down the grassy hill with a group of men following him, two carrying a large case.

 

“I see you’re doing well” T'Challa turned to face Bucky with a smile, he only nodded and smiled.

“Stop wasting time and show him brother” Shuri pushed closer, the two men carrying the case following close behind her. They set the case down on a barrel of hay, opening it to reveal what looked like a vibranium arm. Holy shit.

“It’s amazing” Bucky ran the fingers of his right hand along the arm, taking it all in.

“We’d like to put it on when you’re ready” Shuri was practically vibrating with excitement, she just wanted to fiddle around the arm more.

 

Bucky nodded once, having another arm would help him do a lot more. And without the guilt of having an arm given to him by Hydra would also be a plus. They ushered everyone inside, Bucky sat down in a high backed leather chair and let Shuri work her magic. The arm was installed in less than twenty minutes, it was just early enough where everyone could watch the sunset. Bucky flexed the fingers of his left hand, a smile creeping onto his face.

 

“It suits you” I said softly, watching as he twisted it every which way he could.

“It feels lighter, better” Bucky clenched his hand into a fist and looked closer at the fingers.

“They did it for you” Gently placing my hand on his shoulder, Bucky turned with a smile.

“So now you can answer the question I asked earlier” Shit, I was hoping he’d of forgotten.

“You’re gonna laugh at me” I blushed and turned so I faced the window more, having the sun try and hide my reddened cheeks.

“I promise I won't” Bucky held his hands on his hips and raised a brow.

 

I took a deep breath and wrung my hands together. It felt so stupid to be upset over something so trivial. Here’s to hoping Bucky didn’t laugh in my face.

 

“Steve went on a date with someone Sam knew, and it just hit me really hard. I had to put on this brave face for him because he was actually happy. Like smiling from ear to ear happy, and I was sitting on the couch with a pint of ice cream. He kept seeing her too, kept taking her out when he got the chance and then one day… He showed up with her in tow, she was stunning. I could see why he was falling for her, she was everything he ever wanted in a woman” I didn’t have to wipe my cheeks to know there were tears running down my face, Bucky’s expression was hard to decipher. His lips were pulled into a tight line, her eyes hard.

“I could hear them in his room, laughing together, until it was more than laughing. I didn’t look back before I took off, Tony’s probably freaking out right now, I turned off the tracker on the quinjet” Bucky stepped closer and wiped his thumb over my cheek.

“You shouldn’t bother crying over him doll” Bucky whispered softly, wiping the tears that slid down my cheeks away.

“I loved him, but he never saw me as more than anything than a friend” I looked up into steel blue eyes, Bucky’s lips pulled into a frown.

“He doesn’t know what’s good for him until it’s gone” Bucky wrapped both of his arms around my waist, the contrast to each was a shock. His right arm was warm and comforting, while his metal arm was ice cold.

 

I pushed the thought from my head and wrapped my arms around his chest, pulling him tighter to my own body. It felt good that someone else knew, that someone else cared how I felt.

 

“It’s getting kind of late, and I’m sure you’re exhausted” Bucky ran a hand gently up and down my spine, his fingers pressing in gently.

“Just a little” I chuckled softly and rubbed my face into the fabric of his shirt.

“Well how about we go and get some rest, can talk more in the morning” Bucky let go of my waist and held onto my hand, the contrast between his metal fingers of his hand and mine was striking.

 

I only nodded and followed him out to the hut he had been staying in since he came here. It felt cosy inside, homey in a weird way. Well, not weird perse. 

 

“I can sleep on the floor, go ahead and take the bed” Bucky grabbed one of the spare pillows and placed it on the ground.

“Buck, be reasonable” I grabbed the pillow before he had the chance to lie down and placed it back on the bed.

“I am being reasonable, the bed can barely fit me. I don’t wanna kick you in my sleep” Bucky raised a brow as I took off my gun holster and vest.

“Oh well, just lay down” Bucky shrugged his shoulders and stripped off his shirt, his skin glowed in the dim moonlight. Had he always looked this beautiful.

 

I shook the thought from my head and stripped down to my shirt and shorts. They helped prevent chafing underneath all the gear we had to wear. Bucky crawled onto the bed first, relaxing with a soft sigh as he propped himself up with his right arm. So I was gonna be facing the wall, great. I pushed the blanket back and crawled in beside him, the warmth from him was better than the blanket. It was more comforting. Deciding it would look suspicious if I didn’t cover up myself even in the slightest, I pulled the thin blanket over my legs and laid down against the pillows. Bucky yawned loudly and laid down behind me, pressed close enough where I could feel the contours of his stomach and chest. He threw his left arm over my stomach, relaxing into the bed. I began to trace my hands along his metal arm gently, feeling his breathy chuckle brush over my neck.

 

“Can you feel that?” I ran my fingers along the inside of his forearm, swirling the tips of my fingers on his palm.  
“I can feel everything you’re doing, it feels incredible” Bucky whispered, his nose pressing against my neck suddenly.

“I wanna try something in the morning then” I gripped onto his hand and snuggled closer to him, our bodies flush together.

 

Bucky nodded slowly, before the room filled with his soft snores. Being around him felt right, like this was where I was meant to be. I hadn’t thought of Steve, or anyone back home for that matter. Maybe in the morning I could have T'Challa tell them that I was just fine, they didn’t need to worry about me. The feeling of sleep soon overtook me, and my dreams were that of the man pressed against me.

“They’re coming here, most likely to take me back” I was holding onto Bucky’s metal arm, tracing patterns on the inside of his hand. He was almost too relaxed.

“They can’t make you go somewhere you don’t want to, you’re an adult too” Bucky had a point there, I had made my choice to be here, and I wasn’t leaving until we both had to.

“I want to go wherever you go” I was walking a thin line, it had been a few weeks that I arrived here, spending most of my time with Bucky. Okay, I spent all of my time with him.

“I’ll be there wherever we go doll” Bucky smiled and pressed his lips against my own.

 

God they were so soft and warm, I continued the small patterns on his palm and moved my lips against his. Neither of us planned to stop until we needed air, hell I wouldn’t of even pulled away then.

 

“I found em guys!” Sam’s voice made both of us jump back, startled.

“Jesus, can you be any louder next time?” I was still holding onto Bucky’s hand, the metal warm under my touch.

“We’ve been searching all over for you, why couldn’t you just tell us you were coming to see your lover boy?” Sam waggled his eyebrows suggestively, and I was hoping the ground could swallow me whole in that moment.

“Because I wanted some peace and quiet away from you guys” I muttered under my breath, Bucky smirked and hid his face to hide the laugh that was threatening to escape.

 

Steve came into the small hut next, Nat standing close behind him. He looked different from the moment I looked at Sam, to Nat, and then finally to him. His hair was longer, and he had a beard covering every inch of his face. Well shit, where was the captain I knew from back home?

 

“So, you ran off to be with Buck?” Steve’s voice was accusing, it angered me. He didn’t know jack shit.

“No, I ran off to get away from you guys, he’s just the bonus of it all” I spat through clenched teeth, Bucky gently wrapped his fingers around my hand to calm me down.

“Excuse me? Why the hell would you need to get away from us?” Steve crossed his arms over his chest and raised a brow.

“Because I didn’t wanna be around all the happy couples, especially when you rub it in my face how single I was” Not anymore though, Steve was going to find that out very soon.

“Were?” His eyes glanced between Bucky and I, his mouth opening in shock.

“You’re not the only one whose allowed to be happy Steve” Bucky was the first to speak up, smirking at the shock that crossed over everyone’s face.

 

Steve left without another word, and I was sure it was more out of trying to analyze the situation and not because he was genuinely angry. Sam and Nat followed behind him, each asking one another questions that wouldn’t be answered for a while.

 

“Now that they’re gone, where were we?” Bucky opened his hand and pulled my arm closer, tracing his own fingers along my forearm.

“Well, Sargent Barnes, I believe we were discussing what we were going to do once those goons arrived” I giggled at the smile that lit up his face.

“They can wait a little while longer, let’s just enjoy the peace and quiet we have right now” Bucky trailed his fingers down until our palms were laid flush together.

 

I blushed and traced each of my fingers along his, lacing our hands together. I could handle being with him alone for a while. The rest of the world can wait.


	2. Chapter 2

The wind blew around us slowly, gently whisking pieces of his hair around. He didn't seem bothered by it whatsoever. A glass of water held in his left hand, his right hand grazing ever so gently along the sides of my stomach. I groaned and laid my head back against his chest, this wasn't as easy as we were hoping for. Steve was on Bucky for a while, refusing to let us be alone for longer than five minutes. It took Nat convincing him that we were doing fine before he began to let up. Bucky didn't want to go back to the states for a while, considering he was still a fugitive. 

“It's not gonna happen Buck, they said themselves it's highly unlikely” I turned and looked at him, his eyes full of hope.  
“We're gonna have a boy, I'm calling it now” Bucky ran his hands along my stomach and chuckled, his left hand felt so soothing.  
“And if we do you can name him, but until then, the doctors say it's gonna be a girl” I held my hands over his and looked down at the little pooch of a belly I had.  
“We gotta tell everyone soon” Bucky's voice was a whisper, he was terrified of how everyone react to us having a child together.  
“Tonight, after dinner” Bucky nodded and pressed his lips against my shoulder.

Dinner between everyone had been quiet. Quieter than normal, Bucky didn't say a single word besides a soft 'Thanks'. T'Challa was afraid he had done something to upset Bucky, but when he made no move to leave it was silently assured that something else was bothering him. Even though no one else knew him as well as I did, I could see in his eyes what was wrong. He didn't want Steve to find out about our baby, he wanted to keep the secret to ourselves. Have our child grow up without knowing the secrets of our pasts.

“He's coming here, tonight” Bucky was pacing the small hut, his hands clenched into fists by his sides.   
“Buck, he can't force you to go somewhere you don't feel entirely comfortable” I grabbed his right hand and pulled him over to where I sat.  
“He's gonna see you, and he's gonna find out that we lied Y/N” Bucky was right, we had lied and told Steve I was too sick to travel, and at the time I was. Just not for the same reasons he would believe.  
“Technically we didn't lie, my flu just happened to expand into a baby is all” I shrugged and squeezed his hand tighter, he frowned and sat down next to me, his forehead resting against my own.  
“I don't want him to take me away, please” Bucky pleaded, his hands gripping onto my shirt.  
“I won't let him, I promise” Steve had to understand how much happier Bucky was being here, to him this was home now.

The air was still before the sound of four pairs of feet were heading down to the hut. Steve was one of them for sure, most likely Nat too, but who else would possibly be here? Bucky gestured with his hand for me to stay inside while he went out to talk to them. Steve was the first one to raise their voice, Bucky didn't back down though. He raised his even higher, Nat yelling at them to stop acting like children.

“I swear to god! It's like you hadn't listened to anything that happened!” Bucky was closer to the hut now, whoever Steve had brought had pushed him to a breaking point.  
“Buck, you need to let us inside” I could faintly see Steve's figure casted on the thin material of the frame.  
“No, you aren't going in there” Bucky's voice dropped an octave, it sent chills up my spine.  
“What're you hiding in there?” Steve's voice dropped as he yanked open the curtain that kept Bucky and I hidden from the rest of Wakanda.

My hands flew to my stomach instinctively, I needed to protect this baby from any kind of threat. And in that moment I was scared of Steve, of how easily he could kill me. Bucky's hand was gripping his shoulder, his eyes full of anger.

“Buck, what's going on?” Steve looked over his shoulder slowly, taking in the metal fingers that threatened to break his shoulder if need be.  
“You need to leave, now” Bucky squeezed his shoulder tighter, his lip pulling back over his teeth.  
“We need to talk about all of this, how long?” Steve's eyes landed on me, the belly I was desperately trying to hide with my hands.  
“Five months, it's going to be a boy” Although his tone was teasing, his eyes were still sharp.

Nat walked over and pushed the two men apart before her eyes landed on me, her jaw dropping open in shock. Sam followed in close behind her, and lastly Tony. Nat was rubbing my belly gently, a smile gracing her lips.

“It's a girl, Bucky just wants to pretend the doctors are wrong” I said softly rubbing my hands along side Nat's.  
“It's a boy, she's only gaining weight in her belly right now” Bucky chuckled and let go of Steve's shoulder, keeping a close distance.  
“I still have four months to go, so let's see” I stuck my tongue out at Bucky and giggled when he rolled his eyes.

Tony was the next person to walk over, raising a brow at the belly I had. He had always said kids bothered him, didn't understand why someone would willingly have children. He'd just have to learn what it was like being an uncle was all.

“Y/N? They're asking to see you in the medical bay” Shuri stood in the doorway, a playful smile on her face.  
“Tell em I'm coming, this belly gets hard to carry around at times” I pushed myself off the bed and walked over to Bucky who was still glaring daggers at Steve. Shuri nodded and headed back inside without another word.

I grabbed onto Bucky's arm and pulled him out of the hut, placing his hands on my belly gently.

“Don't do something reckless while I go get checked out please” I smiled and pressed my lips against his cheek gently, his beard scratching against my lips softly.  
“No promises doll, especially not if he tries to start any shit” Bucky's eyes were locked on the hut, most likely on Steve who was watching us.  
“Just try” I let go of his hands and headed inside. Time to make sure the baby would be healthy.

It was strange watching my baby up on the hologram, Shuri was grinning from ear to ear. Her excitement was contagious as she made sure the baby was entirely healthy. And from everything she gathered the baby was very healthy, and had some extra attributes. I blushed and rubbed the side of my belly, Bucky would be happy to hear the good news. Before I even got the chance to sit up Steve was walking into the room, a frown on his lips. What did Bucky do this time?

“Why are you doing all of this? This is crazy” Steve paced the room, running his hands through his hair.  
“Because I'm happy with him Steve, this is just a happy little accident is all. We weren't planning on having a child, but it happened. Steve he's so happy, I can't remember the last time he's smiled this much” It felt like Steve was jealous that I was helping Bucky feel so happy. Jealous that it wasn't him making him feel that proud.  
“He's not ready for a child Y/N, you and I both know that” Steve huffed and sat down in the chair Shuri used most often when we had our visits.  
“No, you don't know how he's feeling Steve, because he is ready, and I won't be the one to try and take away his happiness” Steve looked at me as if I had just slapped him.  
“He's not the same man he was seventy years ago, you have to remember that” Steve's voice was softer, his tone dripping with sadness.  
“No one ever stays the same, he's doing better, he wants you to know how happy he's been Steve. The man made breakfast for everyone one morning because he felt like it. Does that sound like something an assassin would do? Someone that wants to kill every person he sees?” I slid off the table and walked over to Steve, holding his cheek gently in my hand.  
“We'll come home when we're ready Steve, I can't take him out of his comfort zone yet” Steve frowned deeper, his eyes becoming glassy.

There were no words spoken between either of us, a silence hung in the air. I was sure Steve wanted both of us back at the compound sooner, especially with a little one on the way for us. He would have to let go for a little longer before things could go back to normal, at least what normal was for us.

“Shuri's been screaming at me to come see you, what'd you find out?” Bucky stepped into the room, an eyebrow raising at Steve and I.  
“It's about the baby” I held my free hand over my belly and felt my cheeks heat up.  
“Does it have anything to do with him?” I shook my head before Bucky could finish his sentence.  
“Your son is growing at a healthy rate” I smiled and watched as his brows furrowed before he pulled in a lung full of air, his eyes locking on my face.  
“I knew it!” Bucky ran over and wrapped his arms excitedly around my waist, being careful not to squeeze too tight.

His lips were all over my face, kissing. His hands resting against my belly before he knelt down, pressing his lips against the round surface. Tears slid down his cheeks slowly before his eyes trailed back up to my face.

“I saw it on the screen, so you were right babe” I giggled and ran my fingers through his hair, he sighed into the touch.  
“And I get to name him now too” Shit, he was right.  
“Yes you do” I slid my hand down and cupped his cheek, pulling gently. He stood without anymore insistence and pressed his lips against mine.  
“James Steven Barnes” Bucky whispered the words so softly I was afraid I had misheard him, it wasn't until I saw Steve's form stiffen that I realized I had heard him.  
“Buck-” Steve's cheeks were a light pink, his eyes locked on the man in front of me.  
“I can't imagine naming him anything else punk, get used to being an uncle” Bucky turned to face him, a smile gracing his lips. I was sure he would scream it from the rooftops how happy he was.

Steve smiled and stood up, closing the gap between Bucky and himself in a few short strides before encasing the man in a tight hug. A few tears slipped down his cheeks, but he would deny it.

“I wanna go home” Bucky pulled away from Steve, his hands held gently on Steve's bicep.  
“Your rooms been waiting for you, we'll have to make a nursery for the little one” Steve glanced to my belly before looking back at Bucky.  
“Let's go pack so we can go home babe” Bucky reached back and wrapped his left arm around my waist, the metal cooling down my heated skin.  
“Yes sir” I giggled as both Bucky and Steve rolled their eyes. It was going to feel good to be home.

 

~~~ 

“Bucky please, if you don't relax I'm going to go into labor early” Bucky had been picking up our room meticulously, making sure there was nothing I could trip over.  
“You're due tomorrow, there's no possibility of going into labor early” Bucky rolled his eyes and plopped down on the end of the bed.  
“You never kn-” The pain of a thousand stab wounds tore through my stomach and down my spine.

Bucky jumped up from the bed and grabbed onto my arms, gently pulling me up from the bed. The pain was excruciating, getting worse with each step I took. Bucky shook his head and lifted me off my feet, rushing down to the infirmary.

“I think she's in labor!” Bucky was breathing almost as hard as I was, almost.  
“Lay her down, I'll get her prepped” Dr. Cho grabbed a pair of gloves and pulled on her jacket before walking over to where I was.

I wasn't dilated at all, but my water had broken. She confirmed we didn't have time to wait and prepped me for a cesarean. Bucky was gripping onto the side of the bed as if his life depended on it. She assured me I wouldn't feel anything at all, and promised that I could have the scar removed once I fully healed. I just wanted to make sure my baby would come out alright.

“He has your nose for sure” Bucky and I were cuddled together on the bed, looking down at the small bundle in my arms.  
“He has your ears, my lips too” Bucky smiled and ran the tip of his finger down the baby's cheek.  
“Everyone's gonna wonder where we are soon” I didn't want to move though, I was content exactly where I was.  
“They can wait” Dr. Cho walked over holding the birth certificate for us to each sign. I had almost forgotten.  
“James Steve Barnes, eight pounds nine ounces, twenty six inches long. No wonder he could hit my bladder wherever he was” I giggled and looked down at our son, my eyes filling with tears.

Bucky signed his name, handing the pen to me. It wasn't that easy to sign with the sleeping baby in my arms but I made due. The doors opened to reveal Nat smiling brightly. She wanted to see the baby more than anyone. Okay, maybe not more than Bucky. There was one person behind her, Steve. His eyes were wide as he looked at James.

“Lookit him, you guys did a great job” Nat winked and motioned Steve to come over.  
“Thanks auntie Nat” I said softly, her jaw dropped open before she quietly squealed.  
“Come on uncle Steve, he's gotta see you sometime soon” Bucky took James from my arms gently, being sure not to wake him whatsoever.  
“Jesus, he looks just like you Buck” Steve covered his mouth with his hand, his cheeks pulling up with a smile.  
“He's got most of me, but he's got some of Y/N in him too” Bucky laid James against his chest and cooed as he began to stir.

If anyone had told me that I would be watching the man of my dreams holding our child while Steve watched fondly, well I would've said you were lying. But watching the picture in front of me was more than I could ever ask for. Just took being a little lovesick, and reckless to find my happily ever after.


End file.
